On September 5, 2018, my world fell apart.  My husband of nearly 43 years passed away.  My guy, my love, my life–gone.  He had been sick for quite a while and the last two years were tough.  COPD is a terrible disease and a horrible thing to watch as your loved one struggles for every breath.  If you read “My Story” on this site, you know what he has gone through.

It’s not easy to talk about.  I want to share with you a poem I wrote in 2011 after my brother died at age 68.  It applies to any grief one goes through.   Today I reread it as I grieve the loss of my husband.

Prayer of Grief

                                                                   By Ellen Whitley

                       What is this heaviness I feel–this thing called grief?

                       Trapping me in a tomb with lava oozing down;

                       Dripping down the back of my neck; creeping ‘round my shoulders and chest.

                       It circles my heart and squeezes, making it beat erratically.

                       I feel numb, stooped like an old woman.

                       Empty; Hollow; Alone.

                       My cries are loud in my head, “Who can free me?” 

                      “I am afraid!” I shout; “does anyone hear?” 

                       A loving and omnipotent God will minister to me;

                      He, alone, will hear me and stay with me while I am bound;

                     “I will never leave you nor forsake you…..”

                     “Fear not, for I am with you…..”

                     “Be not afraid, for I am thy God……”

                      Because the walls are thick I can barely hear Him;

                      He never tires as he chips away at the stone, speaking soothing words of Love, Hope and Faith.

                      My heart beats slowly and steadily now as He breaks through the rocks around it.

                      He lifts me out of the rubble, sets me tenderly on His lap, holds me in His arms, and rocks me.

                      He alone is MY rock;

                      MY foundation;

                      MY God.

                                                                                                                       2011